2. Tell her/him why you love her/him often.

3. Be affectionate to her/him.

4. Say I love you to each other, at least once in every 24 hour period.

5. Tell your lover you are their love Genie and you will grant him/her three wishes. Things get quite interesting.

6. Make memories together.

7. Never forget that the simple things in life make life worth living.

8. The most cherished gifts are the ones that come from the heart, not the wallet. make gifts for her/him.

9. Have a night that is worth $1,000,000 dollars, but on a $10 dollar budget.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Instead of going out on a date, plan an evening at home, turn off the lights, burn scented candles, watch the sunset, then take a long walk to gaze at the stars.

12. Never, ever forget “holidays”! (The ones that the two of you make up too)

13. Do everything to make him/her happy.

14. Don’t evaluate or criticize your partner.

15. Defend and respect your partner.

16. Be there for the good and the bad times.

17. Find a nice secluded spot that is only yours and take her/him there every month.

18. Call from your vacation spot just to say Hi.

19. Always ask her/him how the day was. and listen!

20. Too much of a good thing can be bad.

21. Travel more than 1 hour out of town together.

22. Dance in the rain. (Even in your best outfit)

23. Watch the sunset together.

24. Have a candlelight dinner for two at least once a year.

25. Flirt in public. (Yes, that means holding hands)

26. Cook for each other.

27. Whisper sweet nothings.

28. Always close your eyes. Staring is rude.

29. Share your deep dark secrets with each other. (Not all)

30. Laugh together.

31. When you say “I’m sorry” look her/him in the eyes.

32. Don’t let little mistakes become big mistakes.

33. Do anything to impress her/him.

34. Go for a drive together just to get lost.

35. Make love.

36. Make sacrifices for each other.

37. ALWAYS be honest with each other.

38. Give each other pet names.

39. Tell her/him your fantasies.

40. Tell her/him what you like and don’t like.

41. Write a story about how you two met and fell in love and give it to her/him.

42. Hugs are the best medicines.

43. NEVER EVER cheat on her/him.

44. Play silly games.

45. Find out what’s special to her/him and do it.

46. Spend all night thinking of 50 sweet things to do for her/him.

47. Always have a notepad and pen or some stationary with you wherever you are. This way when you’re waiting in line you can write them a quick love note.

48. During weeks when you feel you haven’t had enough time with each other, send a bouquet of flowers or other gift to their work, home or school.

49. When you look into they eyes, tell her/him how you feel deep down and gently kiss their cheek.

50. Put a note in her purse telling her to meet you somewhere for lunch.

Submitted by Arpan Wagh

Some years ago I too found myself in a similar situation. Unfortunately, everything about my love interest was perfect (so I thought) except for the fact he happened to live over 400 miles away. I recall thinking at the time those four hundred miles really isn’t that far. If he is the “one” we should have absolutely no problems working it out. If I had only known then what I know now I could have saved myself a lot of sleepless nights.
My viewpoint like many romantics was, “love can and will conquer all.” Looking back now I realize while both our intentions were good, a solid and mutually respectful relationship needs to be built on something more. This is not to imply in any way a long distance relationship can’t work After all I did title this “ How to Make a Long Distance Relationship Work!” I just simply want to point out a few pitfalls to avoid, suggest a good time to bail out if it’s not working and offer a helping hand to those of you about to “dive” in.

Making the Decision to Date Long Distance
If you are lucky enough to find someone geographically desirable, count your blessings! For those of us not in that “club” I would suggest that you consider whether the relationship is really that important for you to commit your time and effort. If the answer is no, then move on now! If the answer comes up “I just can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else” then read on.

Mutual Commitment
I can not emphasize how important it is that both of you are committed to making this work. It is very easy when things are exciting and new to promise to call every day or set up plans to meet every month. The true test is not in the promises one makes, but in their actions. So often, in long distance relationships, people are well intentioned. In the beginning the calls are made, the trips are planned, the e-mail comes and then suddenly excuses are made and contact becomes less and less frequent. Ask yourself and your significant other if the two of you are honest about your level of commitment? Arrange plans to talk, visit, e-mail etc. Make your expectations clear. If contact is becoming less frequent speak openly and honestly before jumping to conclusions. People get tired, have other commitments, emergencies do happen etc. Once or twice does not mean the relationship is over! If you speak with your significant other in a way that is non defensive you are much more likely to get a straight and truthful answer. If a pattern of excuses continues for too long it would be best to bail out. “When do you know if it is too long?” you ask Your intuition will tell you, “ Hey, I think that was a load of you know what he/she just gave me.” Remember, the other person’s level of commitment should match yours. If you are trying to build a relationship on partial truths and find yourself always making excuses for why he didn’t call, bless him and send him packing.

Mutual Trust
Trust never comes easy, but in a long distance relationship it takes work. Both of you need to feel secure with all that distance between you. Part of that includes keeping your partner informed about what’s happening in your life. Don’t shut your significant other out and assume they couldn’t possibly care less about your family, friends and experiences. They want and need to know that your opinion matters and that you have told your friends that you are in a loving, caring and committed relationship.
Daily e-mails are a great way to keep them in the loop. Try leaving a message on his or her voice mail “Hi honey, going to the game with the gang just called to say I’m thinking about you.”

Keeping In Touch
I can not over emphasize how important it is to touch base with your loved one in some small way. I would suggest at least several times a week you make contact. Send gifts, cards, e-mails, phone calls, in person visits, old fashioned letter writing, whatever you can do to keep it going. Do not assume that letting days, weeks or even long periods of time go by without an explanation will not bother your partner. You may feel secure because you know you are not doing anything wrong, but your partner undoubtedly will need the assurance at some point.

Planning for the Future
There comes a time in every relationship when you have to make plans for the future. If this relationship is to move forward then the two of you will have to decide where to live. Will you move in together? Will you get married? Do you simply want to live closer to see how it goes? Obviously one or the other will have to leave their job, family and friends behind for this to happen. In my relationship, like so many others this is where it fell apart. My ex talked about moving here on many occasions and I even saw his job applications filled out! Keep in mind that I offered to move to where he was located on several occasions, but he was emphatic about moving California. However when it came right down to it he just didn’t want leave the life he had made for himself. Soon the excuses started to come and yes I bought them hook, line and sinker! The straw that broke the camels back was when he was hired by a local company and he turned it down. To top things off he sent me an e-mail explaining; “When I broke it all down it just wasn’t enough money” Imagine getting that in your box after waiting years! Gook Luck Mel.

In Miss Ball’s article she expresses that “No woman is too smart, too pretty, too wealthy, too anything to be immune…” from domestic abuse. Think Nicole Brown Simpson or Hedda Nessbaum. The most import fact is that when you recognize that you are in an abusive relationship, you must also be aware that statistically things get worse over time, not better.

In my early 40’s and finding my self recently divorced, I never imagined I would find myself in an abusive relationship…especially because this man was someone I had been set up with through a member of my church. As, I mentioned earlier, no one is immune. It took me longer to get out of the relationship than I expected, but I feel I am now in a safe place physically. The emotional scars are still healing though and I will be ever so careful to watch for any warning signs in future relationships.


In order to get out of an abusive relationship you may have to take drastic measures. Aimee Lee Ball, the author of the article in “O” magazine lists some suggestions for getting out safely. Of course it is much easier when there are no children involved, but many woman in abusive relationships may not have such luck. Here are some of Miss Ball’s suggestions:

· Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 800-799-SAFE, which provides 24-hour crisis intervention and referrals to local services.
· Look in the Government pages of the phone book, ask at the hospital, or call 911 to find agencies and shelters in your area. A battered-women’s home may be the last place you can imagine yourself in, but there are many different kinds of facilities—day and sleep-in—most of which are staffed by experts who recognize that abuse happens at every socioeconomic level.
· Never tell an abuser you are leaving, because that’s when things can escalate.
· Make copies of key documents such as your birth certificate, marriage license, and insurance policies. Note bank account numbers and social security numbers. Make a duplicate set of keys for home and cars. Put discretionary money in a safe place (not in a purse or a drawer).
· If you phone a lawyer, shelter, hotline or service agency, hang up and immediately dial the local time or some other innocuous number so that your partner can’t use *69 or the re-dial button to trace the call. If you have caller ID, make sure you erase all incoming numbers that could tip him off. Also, be careful to cover your tracks when using your computer and going on the Internet. It is safest to use a computer that your partner doesn’t have access to (at work or at the public library). Otherwise, cover your tracks by deleting “cookies” (once you’re online, go to Help box, click on index, and find Cookies for instructions) and recently visited websites (you’ll need to clear your History list and empty your Cache files—again, go to Help option for details).
· Establish a code to alert friends, family or neighbors is you’re in danger. “You can’t depend on using the phone, because he might rip it out of the wall, so your code might be pulling a shade halfway down.”
· At any point in the process, joining a support group can help relieve the isolation and lend some perspective. “Many women don’t want their relationships to end,” says Liz Jones, who manages community education and an outreach program of Sojourn, a sanctuary for battered women and their children in Santa Monica, CA. “They make excuses for the abuse, but somebody having a bad day isn’t an excuse to call you a whore.”

From my own personal experience:·
Consider taking legal action, such as getting a restraining order if necessary. Document the abuse and keep the legal documents handy in case the police have to be called. They will respond faster if you have more information at hand.
· Consider moving from the area, many abusers are also charming and will do whatever they can to get you to take them back. Close the door to the relationship and don’t ever go back as it will only get worse. I found from personal experience that every time I took him back the abuse worsened. Life is too short to be miserable.
· Remember, there are lots of good, kind, respectful and loving men out there waiting to be found, when you are ready.

If you have any advice to share about How to Get out of an Abusive Relationship, PLEASE share it with us in the Comments Box!

Signs and Characteristics of an Unhealthy Relationship

· He/She is jealous of your close friends, family members and all other men/women.
· Moody, unpredictable. Moods are extreme or change quickly.
· Selfish. Cares more about his/her needs and wants than yours. (Only concerned with “I”, instead of “we”).
· After the initial first or second date, doesn’t want to take you out again, just wants to stay in and watch movies/ have sex.
· Pushes intimacy before you are ready or is sexually aggressive.
· He/she starts planning your future right away.
· He/she hates his/her mother or father and treats him/her badly.
· He/she always wants your undivided attention.
· He/she must always be in charge.
· He/she always has to win.
· He/she always asks where you went and whom you saw.
· He/she can’t take criticism and always justifies his/her actions.
· Only calls you when he/she is drunk (a booty call) or doesn’t ask you out ahead of time.
· Uses you for sex, but doesn’t take you out on dates.
· Never has money, expects you to pay for everything.
· Has a bad or violent temper (especially when he/she doesn’t get his or her way).
· Isolates you from friends and family.
· Brings you down by criticizing you or putting you down (verbal abuse).
· Blames you for his/her problems or things that aren’t your fault. Blames you for everything that goes wrong in his/her life.
· Too needy or dependent upon you.
· Too demanding or unrealistic expectations. Expects you to be his/her “Slave, Maid or Mother/Father-figure”. May even expect so much of you that you are unable to take good care of yourself.
· Is Manipulative/controlling. Tries to influence you to do things you don’t feel comfortable doing like missing work or breaking the law.
· He/she often says you don’t know what you are talking about.
· He/she makes you feel like you are not good enough.
· He/She withdraws his/her love or approval as punishment.
· Doesn’t care about your feelings or makes you feel bad for having feelings.
· Is secretive about his/her past (may be an ex-convict, pedophile, con-artist or sex-offender).
· Has had multiple failed relationships.
· Cannot keep a job.
· Flirts with other men/woman when you are with her/him.
· Cheats on you or insists upon having or hiding relationships with other men/women from you.
· Lets you know up front that he/or she is not interested in marrying you, but wants a sexual relationship anyway.
· Brings out the worst in you.
· Not trust worthy. Takes/steals from you/ uses you. Takes more than he/she gives back.
· Asks you for money, credit cards, loans or other financial assistance too early on in the relationship.
· Pushes you, holds you down or hits you (physically abusive).
· Influences you to compromise core goals, morals or values.
· Won’t talk to you about the relationship or whatever you may want to discuss, always avoids serious conversations.
· Judge-mental of your life and struggles, although has his/her own share of problems.
· Emotionally distant or goes to someone else to get emotional support. Avoids closeness instead of connecting (intimacy).
· Doesn’t follow through with promises. Breaks them all of the time.
· Always angry for something you did or didn’t do.
· You find yourself apologizing to others for them or making excuses for them.
· You give them chance after chance.
· You end up paying for their sins or forgetfulness.
· You resent them or nag them.
· He/she is addicted to sex, drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc.
· Is unable to admit they have weaknesses. They believe they are perfect instead of admitting their faults.
· Is defensive instead of open to feedback.
· Is self-righteous vs. humble.
· Only apologize, but never change their behavior.
· Avoids working on their problems instead of dealing with them
· Demands trust instead of earning it.
· Blames others instead of taking responsibility for their lives.
· Lies instead of telling the truth.
· Is stagnant instead of growing.
· Stays in parent/child roles instead of treating you like and equal.
· Gossips instead of keeping secrets.
· Is unstable over time instead of consistent.
· Flatters you instead of confronting you.
· Condemns you instead of forgiving you.
· He threatens you with harm or destroys your property.
· You feel like you are always walking on “egg shells” when he/she is around.

Signs of a Healthy Relationship

· Communication is open and spontaneous (including listening).
· Rules/boundaries are clear and explicit, yet allows flexibility.
· Individuality, freedom and personal identity is enhanced.
· Each enjoys doing things for self, as well as for the other.
· Play, humor, and having fun together is commonplace.
· Each does not attempt to “fix” or control the other.
· Acceptance of self and other (for real selves).
· Assertiveness: feelings and needs are expressed.
· Humility: able to let go of the need to “be right”.
· Self confidence and security in own worth.
· Conflict is faced directly and resolved.
· Openness to constructive feedback.
· Each is trustful of the other.
· Balance of giving and receiving.
· Negotiations are fair and democratic.
· Tolerance: forgiveness of self and other.
· Mistakes are accepted and learned from.
· Willingness to take risks and be vulnerable.
· Other meaningful relationships and interests exist.
· Each can enjoy being alone and privacy is respected.
· Personal growth, change and exploration is encouraged.
· Continuity and consistency is present in the commitment.
· Balance of oneness (closeness) and separation from each other.
· Responsibility for own behaviors and happiness (not blaming other).


In the Book Safe People, by Cloud &Townsend, the subject of healthy relationships is covered extensively. The main components of a good relationship listed there are:

· Draws us closer to God.
· Draws us closer to others.
· Helps us become the real person God created us to be (brings out the best in us).
· They are able to connect with us in a way that we know that they are present with us.
· They love and accept you just as you are, which allows growth.
· Allows us to speak the truth about our faults (honestly) to one another without fear of condemnation.